22 and immature.

i know each of us has our own memories of the past. very few of us can share to the world exactly what had happened through the time, and feel nothing about it. it belongs to somewhere in the past and indeed will always stays that way. it is a concrete fact that very few among the very few can share the whole thing but pathetically feel like rotten tomatoes during (or after, or both) disclosing the files they've been keeping for so long under the folder of "Life as it used to be". to everyone's surprise, neither the first group of the 'very few' nor the latter i am belong to. i don't share my old days because i don't feel okay reminiscing about it. i don't think i can handle the thoughts of going back to few years back. to make this entry a little more immature, i'd like to state that i'm not ready to hear anything about someone's past from anybody even it's from a somebody.i should probably wait patiently until i have my adrenaline rush off, and i'm all ears then. 

face like thunder

the best way to colour my own atmosphere is to live my life the way i think it has to be. it shouldn't be perfect, yet it has to look stunning nevertheless. i din have so much things to complain about after all- the friends, the height, the weight, the look (thank God i don't have a face only a mother could love), the brain, the financial support, etc.. however, unfortunately, at some points, i'm just not sure of something. anything. this feeling comes out of nowhere. i'm like, what the hell?? what is wrong with me? i know i shouldn't blame the world if i can't handle the pressure. tell me, did i pick a wrong guy? was i born to be somebody else, rather than having to do some perfect sewing in operation theatre? i shouldn't wear contact lens, is it? shut up. i am little cracky here, people. but no matter what, i'll never let me fall by the wayside. i should be facing my demons. and i'm going to own my space as safe as houses. so let's rock it! (though i know that saying is one thing; doing is another). ah. great.


remember : early bird catches the worm. I ain't going to let myself engaging deeply and strenuously in this matter. so change now. yes, the attitude.


will you ever buy my words,like seriously, mister?

buat kamu.

Aku, kan menjadi malam-malam mu
kan menjadi mimpi-mimpi mu
dan selimuti hati mu,
yang beku

Aku, kan menjadi bitang-bintang mu
kan selalu menyinarimu
dan menghapus rasa rindu mu,
yang pilu

Aku bisa,
untuk menjadi apa, yang kau minta
Untuk menjadi apa yang kau impikan,
tapi ku tak bisa menjadi dirinya

Aku, kan menjadi embun pagi mu
yang kan menyejukkan jiwa mu
dan kan membasuh hatimu,
yang layu

Tinggalkan sejenak layumu,
beri sedikit waktu
Kepada ku, tuk meyakinkan mu

Selimut Hati- Dewa.